Life is an adventure.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Would you if you could?

If you could, would you hit the rewind button on your life? Not so you could change to be better in your current life, but so that you could be something completely different than you are today? If you had the chance to go back pre-husband, pre-kids, maybe even pre-college, would you? I’m sure the knee-jerk response from all of us would be an emphatic YES!!! But stop and really think about it for a minute…no husband, no kids, a possible shift in career. How different would your life look to you? I can remember when I was in high school wishing for the “perfect life”. Here I am, about to turn 35 and I have a different perspective. That “perfect life” I wished for way back when has become my reality. Guess what? It ain’t so perfect! It is, however, exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be married, check, have kids, check, and stay home with them, check! Mission accomplished…sort of. What I don’t recall wishing for was rocky times throughout my marriage(s) including divorce and a second husband, children who are rude, disrespectful, stinky and apparently allergic to picking up their toys, and the ability to never watch my favorite TV show from start to finish without hearing “MOM!” yelled from someone’s bedroom. Ahhhh, ain’t life grand!

Last Sunday the family and I pulled into our favorite restaurant in Green Bay for lunch after church. I happened to notice a cute couple preparing to board their motorcycle and ride off into the sunset…no children in toe. Then I realized I knew the female part of this cute couple. I hadn’t seen her in well over a year. Last I heard she had filed for divorce and moved out with her child. I guess I assumed she would never date again because I was shocked to see her with another man! As they zoomed past me I made two realizations; one, that was indeed my friend and two, man was I jealous! Here she was with her beau on a Sunday afternoon, having a quiet lunch (read, no loud children) then riding off into the sunset holding tightly to the man she loves. I was quickly snapped back into reality when I heard, “Wow, you have a lot of hot friends getting divorced.” What?! Ok, whatever.

Fast forward one hour. We’re sitting in the bar so we can watch the Packer game and my husband says to me, “That’s one thing I miss about being single.” To which I replied lovingly, “What’s that dear?” “I miss sitting in the bar screaming at the TV when the game is on.” I thought for a minute and said, “Sitting in the bar screaming at the TV with your wife and children just doesn’t do it for ya, huh?” Then we heard this shrill scream from across the bar. Every head in the place turned towards this hideous noise. Then I saw this woman with both of her arms in the air, one hand tightly holding her Bud Light, screaming loudly at the TV watching the game. “Oh yeah, I sure miss those days,” I said to my wonderful hubby. We both rolled our eyes and giggled. Guess it wasn’t as much fun as he remembered.

So, it got me thinking, would I go back in time and rewind what I have done to be a totally different person today? Never in a million years. I am working on a new scrap booking process called Library of Memories by Stacey Julian (I’ll post more about that another day) and so I was flipping through old pictures of my son last night. One photo in particular just struck me. He was probably around 2 ½. He was sitting in the car in his seat and he seemed to be looking right at me, into my soul. I began to cry a little bit. How could I ever go back to a life without my husband or children in it? Do they drive me crazy daily? Absolutely! Do they make me want to pull my hair out? Every single day. Do I love them? More than words can express!! So, even though I’m still jealous that my friend has Sundays with her man and their motorcycle without children I love my life and the people in it. There will be no rewinding for me.


Shannon said...

I love reading your posts Jen. Isn't it so true though.

Ambervanness5 said...

Hi Jen, this is a great post. I've thought of the same thing before- what if I could go back to the days when it was basically just "all about me"?? But when it comes down to it, I say NO THANKS :)

Tracy said...

You have a way with words... thanks for sharing yourself... with us blog obsessed!